


An Interview with the TNBC Characters!

by orphan_account



Category: TNBC, The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
Genre: Crack Fic, Disney, F/M, Gen, Interviews, OOC, a break from my usual serious fics, doctor finklestein isn't an asshole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2019-01-08 05:37:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12248070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Boy and girls of every age, wouldn't you like to know something strange? The Mayor paints his nails, Jack is a hypocrite, Finklestein misses Sally, and why the hell is this bunny flirting with her? No, seriously! I've interviewed them! (Crack fic.)





	1. Jack Skellington

"Hello you ghouls, ghosts, creatures, bats, clowns, and...well, whatever you are out there! We're nearing Halloween Day of the 2017 year, which ultimately marks the 24th year anniversary of The Nightmare Before Christmas! A film that I, personally, have seen 24 times myself, if not more. My name is Rainbow and today I will be hosting an exclusive interview with the characters themselves! Here, I have the infamous Jack Skellington." 

*The camera pans over a 6"7 skeleton, who has tape wrapped around the lower portion of his body that sticks him to the chair. The expression on his skull is one of impatience yet kindness. It pans over back to a 4"11 skeleton bunny, whose gender was really hard to tell.* 

Rainbow: *Sitting on chair with clipboard* Thank you for oh-so-graciously lending me your time, Mr. Skellington. How are you today? 

Jack: Before I was kidnapped with duct tape? Quite alright, thank you. 

Rainbow: That's great, that's great. Mind if I ask you a few questions?

Jack: Do I have a choice?

Rainbow: Nope! 

Jack: Then, go ahead. 

Rainbow: Tell me, Jack, just _how_ do you do it? Planning a holiday for 365 days? Where on _earth_ do you get the patience?

Jack: Well, it's just something I've grown accustomed to over the years. At first it was overwhelming, but now it's like a walk in the park, really. 

Rainbow: What would you say is your relationship like with the Mayor? I mean, after what it says in _Gothic Magazine_ , there may be something going on between you two.

Jack: _Gothic Magazine?_ What on earth is that? 

Rainbow: I picked it up on my way through Halloween Town! In here it says you're married to some girl named Rachael and that the kiss you gave Sally at the end of the movie was meant for her instead?

Jack: That is the most stupidest thing I have ever heard. 

Rainbow: Ditto. 

Jack: And for your other question, I'd say professional. Our relationship goes past nothing beyond Halloween planning, I assure you. 

Rainbow: Yeah, yeah, I'm sure. *Waves hand* And how do you feel about your face being displayed practically everywhere? 

Jack: Pardon? 

Rainbow: Well, your face takes up 80% of Hot Topic stories and can be seen anywhere around September and October. It also consists 99% of my whole closet. 

Jack: *Eying the Jack Skellington hoodie they're wearing* I can see that. 

Rainbow: Well? 

Jack: I think it's a very cheap tactic for Disney to profit off from my movie. I saw a very revealing Halloween outfit with my style on it titled "The Pumpkin Queen"! It's all for a cheap cash grab and I'll have none of it. 

Rainbow: But I saw Sally wearing one of those last Halloween. Are you sure you're against it? 

Jack: ...On her? No....

Rainbow: I'm sensing some hypocrisy here, Jack. 

Jack: I have no comment. 

Rainbow: That does bring me to another question, though. How exactly does Sally feel about those fangirls wearing shirts of you everyday, dressing up every Halloween as you, and flirting with your actors at Disneyland? 

Jack: Like you? 

Rainbow: Oh, please. I don't flirt. But don't avoid the question, Skellington! 

Jack: Sally does not mind.

Rainbow: Sally doesn't mind?

Jack: Sally does not mind. 

Rainbow: *Scribbles on clipboard, repeating* _Sally does not mind._

Jack: ....

Rainbow: And how do you feel when those couples out there who have barely seen your movie say that they want to "live like Jack and Sally"? 

Jack: It confuses me! *Exaggerates arms* We don't "live", first of all. Sally and I are practically dead. Do those couples out there want to die? I am thoroughly concerned! 

Rainbow: I see your point. But how do you feel about Blink 182's song where they say exactly that? 

Jack: It's a great song, really. I had some fans show me and it's not all that bad. They really could have worded it better, though. 

Rainbow: Where exactly did the nickname "Bone Daddy" come from, by the way? 

Jack: I have no idea. The band in Halloween Town started calling me that one day but I didn't mind. I'm guessing it has a different meaning now?

Rainbow: Oh, yes. Ever heard of Sans the Skeleton? Some fans call him "daddy", too. 

Jack: Please don't. 

Rainbow: I won't, I won't. And how do you feel about people prepping early for Halloween? Like, let's say August-September or something. 

Jack: *Thinks about it* Well, it's always Halloween every day where I'm at. I plan it every single day, 24-7, and even afterwards I continue planning it. I guess it'd be contradicting if I said I was against it? 

Rainbow: Kinda'.

Jack: Well, Halloween has an order, as with every other holiday. I'd much prefer it if people kept their decorations to Late-September and through October. And to also stop blasting my song in the middle of August.  

Rainbow: *Guilty sweat drop* Um, yeah, well....how did you feel about the video games you starred in? Oogie's Revenge, Kingdom Hearts, and The Pumpkin King? 

Jack: They were very good! I have minimal complaints about them. I wish that Capcom didn't have me act like such a blind idiot, though. 

Rainbow: *Cough* What do you mean? *Cough* 

Jack: I learned my lesson after taking over Christmas! Getting shot down from the atmosphere really changes you, you know? I would never look for something new after such a catastrophe. I found what I was already missing, anyway. 

Rainbow: What were you missing?

Jack: I needed some love in my life, hence Sally. 

Rainbow: Aww, adorable. #CoupleGoals 

Jack: Did you just say 'Hashtag'?

Rainbow: Nope. How do you feel about the hundreds of fanchildren you and Sally have?

Jack: Wait....what? 

Rainbow: You aren't aware? The fandom has made tons of kids that you and Sally have! I wanted to know about your opinion on them. Which are your favs?

Jack: I....well, uh, I don't think I'm quite ready for parenthood. 

Rainbow: That's lame. But, anyway, that's all the time and questions I had for you today! Mind saying anything else before we go?

Jack: Can you help me out from this duct tape? 

Rainbow: You cut Santa Claus and Sally from rope and carried them to a torturing device in a matter of 0.01 seconds. I _think_ you can cut free from duct tape. 

Jack: You're a real jerk, you know that? 

Rainbow: Onto the next character!


	2. Sally the Ragdoll

"Our last character interviewed was the famous Jack Skellington! Today, I am now interviewing his sweet and most beloved wife(by most of the fandom, anyway), Sally Skellington. Let's see what she has for us today, shall we?" 

*The camera goes black for a second, then reappears a moment after. It pans over to a 5"7 ragdoll sitting in a chair, wearing a Jack Skellington shirt far too big for her and black shoes. Unlike her husband, she has no tape and is voluntarily sitting down on the chair. It now pans over to the same skeletal bunny, who is sitting closer to the ragdoll than they should be* 

Rainbow: Hello there, sweetheart. How are you doing? 

Sally: *Slightly blushes* Oh, I'm fine. Same as usual. 

Rainbow: I guess the first question asks itself. How do you feel about all the merchandise of your husband, Sally? 

Sally: Well, it's very nice to own so many of them. Now I have more clothes to wear around the house and new pajamas for bed. 

Rainbow: You're telling me. I own more than $1,000 worth of Jack merchandise. 

Sally: Wait, you're not one of those fangirls, are you? I was told I was being interviewed by an "unhealthy-obsessed fan". And, well...I can't quite tell if you're a girl, to be truthfully honest with you. 

Rainbow: Yup, that's me. And I can be anything you want me to be, Doll. 

Sally: *Nervously* Um...weren't you asking me some questions?

Rainbow: Oh, right! What are you up to these days? Still living with that mean 'ol Finklestein? 

Sally: No, no. I moved out right after Halloween Town's first snow day. I live with Jack now. 

Rainbow: *Pumps fist* Called it! And, uh, what are your hobbies? Any pastimes?

Sally: Well, I love to cook and sew. I'm making new dresses and coming up with new meals. Cleaning isn't too much of a chore now. And, lately, I've been practicing my singing.

Rainbow: Can you sing a song for us? 

Sally: I'm not very good, I'm sorry. Maybe you can get Jack to sing for you? 

Rainbow: Damn, I should have. Didn't even cross my mind. How are things going with him, by the way? I heard you guys are married. 

Sally: Yes, I am happily courting with him. This year is our 23rd anniversary of being wed. *Sighs happily* 

Rainbow: Oh, that's right! I was at your wedding. Do you recognize me? 

Sally: Weren't you that fellow screaming "OTP" over and over again in the back when Jack and I kissed? If I remember correctly, you had to be escorted out. 

Rainbow: No regrets. Are you Zero getting along? 

Sally: Zero has always liked me. Sometimes he'll be sleeping in my lap and, when Jack isn't around, he makes sure I'm okay. 

Rainbow: Sounds like a very loyal dog. 

Sally: He was a very good boy. 

Rainbow: And how is it being the Pumpkin Queen? Is it easy? Hard?

Sally: Well, I'm currently learning on everything I need to do for the Town. It certainly sounds like a lot of responsibilities, but I'd do anything to help my dear Jack out. He's taking it all on his own until I'm ready. 

Rainbow: Honestly, Sally, you are such a sweet and endearing character. I'm curious. Is there anything you would change about yourself at all? 

Sally: *Bites lip* Well....sometimes, I wish I could be more scary. I used to get teased by the witches for looking nothing like a true monster. If the Pumpkin King is scary, shouldn't the Queen be, too? 

Rainbow: I don't think so. A Queen should be the beautiful role model for those who follow her. Not to mention that your kindness will show them that a monarchy isn't all that bad! 

Sally: I suppose you have a point. 

Rainbow: What are you and Jack going to do for your anniversary? Gonna' spend a little 'alone time' with the Bone Daddy? 

Sally: I...*Giggles* Why must you word it like that? 

Rainbow: That's what it is, right? 

Sally: Well, we were planning on spending it at Disneyland. Jack told me that Mickey has something special planned for us! Even I don't know what it is. 

Rainbow: And how do you and the other Holiday Leaders get along? I'm sure Jack has introduced you to them, what with being Pumpkin Queen and all. 

Sally: Santa is still very kind to me. Cupid is....quite the pervert, the Easter Bunny is too skittish for me to talk to, and the others I can't quite say. I'm still very nervous around them. 

Rainbow: Understandable, understandable. I've, um, heard around that you were quite the stalker around Jack. Is that true? 

Sally: A stalker? *Laughs* Why, that's so ridiculous! Nevertheless creepy! I'd never do such a....

Rainbow: ?

Sally: *Sighs* Okay, yes, I was a bit of a stalker. But what other choice did I have? 

Rainbow: I'm sure many. I admire your dedication, though. And can you sense things? I mean, you said you felt something "in the wind". Pretty sure that's some form of witchcraft. 

Sally: I'm not a witch! Though, sometimes there's something out there telling me when disaster is about to strike.....I like to think of it as a premonition and nothing more. 

Rainbow: Also, I was curious if you were ever upset that Jack tore that Santa suit you made? I mean, he ripped that sucker off and left it in the snow. Didn't you work hard on it? 

Sally: What mattered to me was that Jack was okay, and no suit could ever replace what I feel for him. 

Rainbow: Aww. Well, isn't that the sweetest thing! Do you like any desserts? Any favorite foods? 

Sally: Well, Jack and I share the occasional chocolate beetles. I'm trying to learn how to make them. And I love anything that tastes sweet, though I can't eat much. 

Rainbow: Ooohh, that's right. You're stuffed with leaves. How does that work out? 

Sally: *Blushes* You may want to ask Doctor Finklestein about that. I'm not sure myself. 

Rainbow: You know what, I think I'll do that. And how do you feel about those trouble-making pranksters? Lock, Shock, and Barrel? 

Sally: I believe they're very damaged children. We should give everyone a chance to better themselves. I've tried to insist to Jack on letting them live with us, but he keeps saying 'no'. 

Rainbow: That's probably for the best. I mean, I've seen fanfictions of that happening and it didn't end so well. 

Sally: What's 'fanfiction'? 

Rainbow: ...aaaAAANND I'm out of time! Thank you for the interview, Sally, I appreciate it very much. If only Jack had been as cooperative as you've been. 

Sally: *Waving* Goodbye! Come back again!

Jack: *In the background* **NO, SALLY, DON'T ENCOURAGE-**

*The camera cuts off*


	3. The Mayor

"Today, I'm going to ask some questions to the Mayor of Halloweentown! Because, really, what's a movie without some sort of politics? Absolutely nothing! So, now, we are going to dive in to my most least favorite character of this movie. A two-faced politician." 

*The camera now shows a triangular, short man struggling to get atop the chair. He finally makes it, losing his hat in the process, and looks around trying to find it. The camera pans back to Rainbow, who is currently holding their face in their hand and shaking their head. As soon as the Mayor is settled, he switches to his happy face and waves to the camera*

Mayor: Alright, I think I'm ready! 

Rainbow: Yes, yes, that's great. Mind if I ask you some questions, Mr. Mayor? 

Mayor: Not at all! Go ahead. 

Rainbow: First off, do you paint your nails? I've paid close attention to the movie and I don't think they're supposed to be naturally red. 

Mayor: ...

Rainbow: ...

Mayor: It's a secret of mine. So what if I like the feel of polish on my nails? Sally does it, too! 

Rainbow: Yes, but I didn't quite imagine you as the feminine type. 

Mayor: *Huffs and crosses arms, purposely hiding his nails* Can we move onto the next question, please? 

Rainbow: Yeah, sure. I was also wondering...what's the point of you in the Town if all you do is rely on Jack? You're an elected official and Jack is the King. By all standards, your position shouldn't even be _needed_.

Mayor: If I'm not there to remind Jack about the plans for Halloween, then who will!? 

Rainbow: Okay, so, what do you _do_ as Mayor? 

Mayor: I keep track of Jack's decisions, write what Jack says down, spend most of my days planning Halloween with Jack, running Town Meetings for Jack, and I come by his house to remind Jack of our plans every day. 

Rainbow: *Glancing through _Gothic Magazine_ * Hmm. As I expected. Is there something going on between you two, in your opinion? 

Mayor: What? He has Sally!

Rainbow: That hasn't stopped millions of fangirls. 

Mayor: No, there isn't. What kind of ridiculous questions are these? Give me one about Halloween! 

Rainbow: Okay. When was it formed? 

Mayor: You'll have to ask Jack about that. 

Rainbow: ....

Mayor: ....

Rainbow: So, uh, Mayor, what's your real name? You were only addressed as the 'Mayor' in the movie. Is that, like, your actual name, or does no one really know? 

Mayor: *Really quietly* No one's ever bothered to ask that. It's Charles. 

Rainbow: Really?

Mayor: No, it's just my actual name. I can't change it, though! I've tried. 

Rainbow: I believe you, I believe you. I couldn't help but notice you only have two expressions. What exactly do you do when you're _not_ feeling sad or happy? 

Mayor: I just change the tone of my voice and hope that people catch onto it. My head spins when it wants to, so sometimes I'll look happy but in reality I'm confused. 

Rainbow: Would you say that your head is a type of symbolism? That there really are two-faced politicians out there that deceive the public with two different mannerisms? 

Mayor: It's a Halloween and Christmas movie. Not an in-depth essay. 

Rainbow: Why are you afraid of Lock, Shock, and Barrel?

Mayor: What!? I am NOT! 

Rainbow: In the movie, you were scared when they came and threw rocks at you. I'm under the assumption that they pick on you a lot because you're short and chubby? 

Mayor: ....Yes, I am. They're little devils, I tell you! Boogie's Boys are nothing but trouble! They're always playing pranks on everyone. Especially me! Sometimes I have to get Jack to protect me from them.

Rainbow: *Chuckling* That's, uh - pretty sad, Mayor. They're just kids. 

Mayor: Kids with BEAR TRAPS! Have you ever gotten your foot stuck in one of them? Why do you think I take a million of steps per second!? The pain has never left me! 

Rainbow: Okay, okay. I get it. Yeesh. Do you compensate for something by wearing that tall top hat of yours, by the way? 

Mayor: It kind of gets intimidating when you work with a skeleton whose nearly 7 foot and you're barely reaching 3. I try my best. 

Rainbow: Have you ever felt threatened about Sally? I mean, she's working with Jack closer than you are. I'd imagine you'd have some sort of jealousy revolving around that. 

Mayor: She actually helps out a lot with the Halloween planning! Sometimes Jack prefers her ideas over mine. I'd be lying if I said I haven't cried over it. 

Rainbow: Gee, you're a lot more emotional than I thought you'd be. Usually, politicians are heartless. 

Mayor: I actually don't have a heart! *He reaches into his coat* Want to see?

Rainbow: *Holding hands in front of them* No thank you! No thank you! 

Mayor: Have it your way. 

Rainbow: While I'm at it, I should also ask about that Black Widow you have. If it serves as a tie, does that mean Jack's Bat bowtie is alive, too? 

Mayor: Yes, it is! I've seen it get a little too excited sometimes and tries to fly off! Jack usually calms it down before it can lift him off the ground, though. 

Rainbow: Huh. *Scribbles something down* Are you supposed to be some sort of candy corn or porcelain doll? 

Mayor: I don't really know. But what I _do_ know is that I'm the Mayor!

Rainbow: Yes, I think we all know that. Also, that big badge of yours that says "MAYOR"....

Mayor: Yes? What about it? 

Rainbow: Did Jack just give it to you to make you feel better? Because if it was necessary, then he'd be wearing a badge, too, that would say "KING".  

Mayor: ....Well, I....I once complained to him that the town didn't take me seriously. He made it for me and I've been wearing it ever since! People really pay more attention to you when you're wearing a badge, you know. 

Rainbow: *Shaking head* This...is all so sad. I don't have anything else to ask you, so go ahead and say what you want to the camera. 

Mayor: *Smiling and adjusting his collar* Halloween is only 31 days away! Expect it to be big and better this year! 

*Rainbow motions to their throat, and the camera finally shuts off. Before the screen goes black, you can faintly hear the Mayor saying: _Was I sweating too much?_ *


	4. Doctor Finklestein

"This is going to be my last interview because Jack told me to get lost, so I have to make this last one quick. The last person I'll be interviewing is the Mad Scientist! AKA, Doctor Finklestein! Because, really, what's a Halloween movie without a Frankenstein reference? Let's hope this goes well!"  

*The camera now shows a very, very pale man sitting in a wheelchair. His legs are small and feeble and he has a literal duck face. He opens the hatchet to scratch his brain, causing Rainbow to cringe. They're sitting as far from him as possible, awkwardly scratching at their face.* 

Rainbow: Is it alright if I ask you a few questions, Doc? 

Finklestein: Yes, I suppose so. I agreed to this before you dragged me in here. 

Rainbow: *Claps hands together* Alright! I guess I should start with the basics. Like the Mayor, your name is never really revealed in the movie. At least I think. 

Finklestein: There's a reason for that. *Coughs*

Rainbow: Is it embarrassing? Something like 'Fred' or 'Steve'? 

Finklestein: *Sigh* It's Albert. My name is a literal play-on to Albert Einstein and Frankenstein.

Rainbow: Well, at least it makes sense. Albert Finklestein isn't as awkward as Mayor. 

Finklestein: You've got that right. 

Rainbow: I guess I should also go onto the topic of Sally. Why would you make a female ragdoll instead of some huge type of monster? 

Finklestein: Well, before that Jack Skellington _took_ her from me and ran off with her...Sally was supposed to be mine. To clean and cook for me. This wheelchair becomes quite the pain in your keester when you try and make soup by yourself.

Rainbow: I'd imagine. 

Finklestein: -So, I created her and she did pretty well at first. As soon as she saw Jack, she started to disobey me and became a little...how would you say...rebellious. 

Rainbow: Punk-hair-and-nose-job type of rebellious? 

Finklestein: No, she drugged me and poisoned me all the time. Just so she can sneak out and see him every night. 

Rainbow: Don't you hate it when that happens? 

Finkestein: It left me with horrible headaches! I'd wake up hours later and find that she'd be gawking over him in the Town!

Rainbow: I'm guessing that upset you? 

Finklestein: At first it did, but then I came up with a brilliant idea! Someone with a hot bod, elegant taste in clothing, and a mind as intelligent as mine! Someone to kill for! So, I made Jewel! 

*Finklestein takes out an unnecessarily-large piece of paper with a _very_ detailed illustration. Rainbow gags and pushes the paper away* 

Rainbow: OH, GOD! 

Finklestein: Yep! Not only do we share the same opinions on things, but she can clean WAY better than Sally could! I'm proud to say that there has not been a moment that I have ever missed that ragdoll. Ever. 

Rainbow: So...um, if you tore half your brain off and gave it to Jewel, doesn't that mean that the right side of your body doesn't function? And her left side doesn't, either?  

Finklestein: You see, logic was not apart of my plan! She works perfectly, I assure you. The absolute best thing to have ever happened to me. 

Rainbow: You've cried a lot, haven't you? 

Finklestein: *Sniffles* Sometimes. 

Rainbow: That also brings me to another question. How exactly does Sally run on leaves? You don't have to spill your secret, but I am genuinely curious.

Finklestein: Ah! Well, you see, Halloween Town is full of dead people. I wanted to make her seem alive, so I used leaves because they're the only thing here that would be technically counted as 'alive'. 

Rainbow: Can she eat? Does she even have...ya' know, female body parts? 

Finklestein: I've got her diagram in my pocket that I can show you.

Rainbow: I'm pretty sure Jack would kill me, so I'll pass. Speaking of him, have you last any respect for Jack since he, going by your words here, 'took Sally away'? 

Finklestein: There's no disrespecting the King! None at all. Jack is still above me in every way possible and I'm more than happy to help him with Halloween projects and lend him my supplies. 

Rainbow: So...would that make Jack your son-in-law or just...um..? 

Finklestein: I don't like to think about it. 

Rainbow: Agreed. *Stands up* Well, I think this has gone awkward enough. Let's hope I never do this again. 

Finklestein: Agreed. 

*The camera finally shuts off, showing a short disclaimer message*


End file.
